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The Lincoln Imp

The Lincoln Imp at the Crazymad Writer's blog

The Lincoln Imp

The Lincoln Imp is the symbol of the City of Lincoln, the county town of Lincolnshire, England.

According to a 14th-century legend, two mischievous creatures called imps were sent by the Devil, Satan, to do evil work on Earth. After causing mayhem in Northern England, the two imps headed to Lincoln Cathedral, where they smashed tables and chairs and tripped up the Bishop. When an angel came out of a book of hymns and told them to stop, one of the imps was brave and started throwing rocks at the angel, but the other imp cowered under the broken tables and chairs. The angel turned the first imp to stone, giving the second imp a chance to escape. It is said that even on still days it is always windy around the Cathedral, which is the second imp circling the building looking for his friend.

There are many variations on Lincoln Imp legends. According to one popular legend, the imp which escaped fled north to Grimsby, where it soon began making trouble. It entered St. James’ Church and began repeating its behaviour from Lincoln Cathedral. The angel reappeared and gave the imp’s backside a good thrashing before turning it to stone as it had the first imp at Lincoln. The “Grimsby Imp” can still be seen in St James’ Church, clinging to its sore bottom. Another legend has the escaped imp turned to stone just outside the cathedral, and sharp-eyed visitors can spot it on a South outside wall.

Mad Eye Moody

Mad Eye Moody at The Crazymad Writer's blog

Mad Eye Moody

Mad Eye Moody, can it really be,
That splendid interpretation, a hero so free?
Who gave up his all for the cry of the truth?
So we could know that good is forsooth.

Yes, they can all Twitter, be it here, be it there,
About American Idol and Celebrities fair,
But can they replace the genius, so fine,
Like Rowling and Dahl – or Wilson’s strange mind?

When next you are shopping in Wal-Mart, I think,
If its bargains you’re after then remember the ink,
On the paper, in the book section, where I’m waiting for sure,
To temp you with my writing so as to open that door.

And when it is open my world of strange stuff,
Will entrance and beguile you; the air will be hushed,
As you read about Alice, the Cat and the Mouse,
Harry Rotter and Jimmy – and Beetle About.

Forget about Powerball, cars and the news,
Never mind Danny Choo – who is he? I muse
Wikipedia doesn’t know me; heck, do I care,
When I’ve got so many readers in the REAL WORLD out there!

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A very old man at The Crazymad Writer's blog

Stories for children and young at heart adults

by ME, The Crazymad writer – ARRRRGH!

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Aliens Landed…

The Crazymad Writer blogs again!
The Crazymad Writer blogs again!

Aliens Landed in Ballykilduff

Aliens landed in Ballykilduff,
Aliens landed; that is a fact,
In the dark of the night it happened, it did,
At the end of my garden they landed, then hid.

Breda, dear Breda, wake up, will you please?
Something is happening and I am all in a tizz!
Leave me alone, she answered, I’m beat,
Having said that to me she fell fast asleep.

Donning my gown and slippers I left,
Her sleeping in bed as into the kitchen I crept,
Searching for light, the torch, my best friend,
I opened the door and into the garden I went.

Towards the end of the garden with my torch I progressed,
Then I climbed over the fence into the field with its guests,
Pointing my torch, I rained light upon them,
Aliens a plenty around a spaceship humming.

What are they doing? I wondered out loud,
Signalling my place, my location – and how,
Pointing their guns, the Aliens zapped me with rays,
Blue, yellow and green, orange and grey.

Thinking my time was finished, all gone,
I fell to the ground awaiting the anon,
Sorry about that, one of them said helping me up
We thought you were a cow wanting to eat us all up

What are you doing? I asked with curious eyes,
Seeing them cutting the grass, then taking it inside,
We are refueling our spaceship, he told me quite proud,
We get one light year per armful, he said out aloud.

That’s amazing, I said, can I go see inside?
Sorry, he answered, it’s too small for your like,
Laughing, I asked if there was anything they need,
Yes, he told me forthrightly, can we have some tea?

Tea? I asked, you drink tea way up there,
In outer space, with its atmosphere rare?
No, silly, he replied, it’s to pour down our boots,
We never travel with them empty, forsooth.

You pour tea down your boots? I laughed out loud,
What does it do, make you fly like a bird?
It does, he told me, how did you know that?
Was your mother or father an alien, or even your cat?

Just then I heard something, someone calling to me,
Gerrard, wake up, its morning; here is your tea,
Opening my eyes, I saw Breda, my wife,
Offering the cup of plenty, tea; it’s my life.

Where are my boots? I asked, still half sleep,
I want them, I need them; oh where are they please?
They are under the bed, here, she said, offering them to me,
Why do you want them before drinking your tea?

Accepting my boots, I poured in the tea,
What on earth are you doing? she asked warily,
I don’t go anywhere without filling them first,
Can I have another cup, I asked, because I sure have a thirst.

The moral of my story is this:
Don’t go anyway near Ballykilduff, GIVE IT A MISS,
Strange things are happening down that neck of the woods,
Like Aliens, and Slugs driving campervans – and Fiats to boot.

'Aliens Landed' by The Crazymad Writer of children's stories

Crazymad Stories for children and young at hear adults

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OUTSMARTING THE GRIM REAPER

The Grim Reaper The Crazymad Writer's blog

OUTSMARTING THE GRIM REAPER

Every morning when I awake
And reach for my paper and coffee cake,
I check to see if my name appears,
Trying to quell my deepest fears
That this might be the very day
When the old grim reaper has his way
It’s really a little game we play!

He’s trying to catch me unawares,
I don’t think that he really cares
When it will be, as long as he can say he’s won…
The game is over… so long… it’s done.
But I must outwit his nefarious scheme
For it has always been my dream
To live as long as my enemies do
Longer is better from my point of view!

So I eat my veggies, drink my milk,
Cream my face till it’s smooth as silk
When I drink my wine, I never drive,
Insuring I will arrive home alive.
I watch my weight, walk a mile a day
And watch out for cars along the way.
I’ve followed the plan to a tee
But there is a problem that I see

I’ve gotten too old to run and hide
As I feel my bones rub together inside
So I’ve decided to lure him to bed
But with someone else lying there instead.
And since love is blind, he will not see,
The victim he smites is not me!
The game is over…so long…it’s done
But he’ll never know…it is I who’s won!

Copyright©2008 Beatrice Boyle
(All rights reserved)

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Coke Life

What, what what can it be?

GREEN COLA???

No, that will never take off!

Are You Normal?

Are you Normal? At the New Roald Dahl blog.

Are You Normal?

Are you normal?
Do you want to be,
A faceless person in a heaving sea,
With no aims, ambitions, dreams or goals,
Just happily plodding along that road?

Are you slowly dying?
Don’t you feel the magic of each new day,
The sounds of laughter as children play,
The warmth of the sun on your back, so good,
The song of birds, the smell of wood?

Are you passing time?
Don’t you wonder at the sky, so blue,
The start and end so vague to you?
I hear you say, I am happy, still,
So too is an ant that has no will.

Wake up, wake up!
It’s not too late,
There still is time to change your fate,
Renounce the normal, do something MAD,
Shock them all create a fad.

Be yourself, alive with goals,
With dreams and wonders still untold,
Exult life in your own distinctive way,
It’s yours alone; you must have your say,
Lest you slip into oblivion (without a trace).

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Cartoon Alien

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

Monty Python – Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life – Life of Brian

Some things in life are bad.
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle,
Don’t grumble. Give a whistle.
And this’ll help things turn out for the best.
And…

Always look on the bright side of life.

Always look on the light side of life.

If life seems jolly rotten,
There’s something you’ve forgotten,
And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you’re feeling in the dumps,
Don’t be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle. That’s the thing.
And…

Always look on the bright side of life.

(Come on!)

Always look on the right side of life,

For life is quite absurd
And death’s the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin.

Enjoy it. It’s your last chance, anyhow.
So,…

Always look on the bright side of death,

Just before you draw your terminal breath.

Life’s a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke. It’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show.
Keep ‘em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And…

Always look on the bright side of life.

Always look on the right side of life.

(Come on, Brian! Cheer up!)

Always look on the bright side of life!

Always look on the bright side of life!

(Worse things happen at sea, you know!)

Always look on the bright side of life!

(I mean, what you got to lose? You know, you come from nothing, you’re going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!)

Always look on the bright side of life!

(Nothing will come from nothing. You know what they say?)

Always look on the bright side of life!

(Cheer up, you old bugger! Come on, give us a grin! There you are! See?)

(It’s the end of the film. Incidentally, this record’s available in the foyer.)

Always look on the bright side of life!

(Some of us have got to live as well, you know.)

(Who do you think pays for all this rubbish?)

Always look on the bright side of life!

(They’ll never make their money back, you know. I told him.)

(I said to him, ‘Bernie.’ I said, ‘They’ll never make their money back.’)

Always look on the bright side of life!

Written by Eric idle

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