Chorus:
And it’s oh, dear what can the matter be?
Seven old ladies got stuck in the lavatory
They were there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there

The first old lady was Jennifer Pim
she went in on a personal whim
Somehow got stuck ‘tween the bowl and the rim
And nobody knew she was there

The second old lady was little Miss Humphrey
She sat down, and made herself comfy
Tried to get up, but could not get her bum free
And nobody knew she was there

The third old lady was little Miss Draper
She went inside and she couldn’t find any paper
All she could find was a bricklayer’s scraper
And nobody knew she was there

The fourth old lady was a Catholic lass
She went in just to try and skip mass
A thief was inside, and he pinched her…handbag
And nobody knew she was there

The fifth old lady was little Miss Bartlett
She paid her penny and straight in she darted
What a waste of a penny, ’cause she only *@rted
And nobody knew she was there

The sixth old lady was little Miss Murray
She went in, in a heck of a hurry
When she got there, it was too late to worry
And nobody knew she was there

The last old lady was little Miss Mason
The toilets were full, so she peed in the basin
And that was the water that I washed my face in
‘Cause I didn’t know she’d been there